Monday, December 28, 2009

I Don't Wish

I don't know if people will find it strange or not, but I don't want what happened to me to happen to the girl who did it. Although I hate her like anything and consider her an enemy, there is no one for who I could wish to go through the pain I had to suffer through and which still makes me suffer.

I don't want even her to go though what she made me go through and I am sure about that. I know that she is a bad person, an insensitive person who is cold at heart, to the extent of being heartless, but she still doesn't deserve this sought of punishment.

It probably won't happen to her anyway. But in this case I don't think that I want the law of karma to apply.


Anonymous said...

ok dude. the suffering you talk about is all in your head. If we MRI you while you're thinking about this girl, your Ventral tegmental area will light up bigtime.

You have to realize that none of this is real. It's your neurochemistry. A man becomes what he thinks. And you can change. Start focussing on yourself. You are your angel. You are the change. A man who loves himself is a magnet for the woman he desires.

It will take time. But you will change. Above all, have faith.

Akshay said...

May I ask, who are you?

And let me assure you that nothing will change. Even death won't change anything.

Only it will finish my pain.

And although I do hope that even you are not cursed with this suffering, maybe some amount of pain will enlighten you to understand other people's problems.

Anonymous said...

i have suffered. twice. but it never amounts to true love if not reciprocated.

have some strength. who am i. doesn't matter. i chanced upon your blog and saw that you are suffering from something i have gone through.

it's your life. it's your choice. death? think of your parents. they love you.

anyway take care dude. i hope you get better. time is the greatest healer of all. peace out.

Akshay said...

1. You may have suffered, but never been in true love. And love is not about one way or two way, it is about the way you feel. Rarely, will you come across a situation where both people are in true love. True love happens to one in thousands and sometimes it is reciprocated back but not by the same true love.

2. You don't know how much strength I have. But my strength isn't going to help anybody. And you have not gone through what I have.

3. My parents don't love me a fraction of what I love my angel so it would be a disgrace to say that they love me.

4. And time never heals love being a passive entity while love is active.

Anonymous said...

you have no idea how much your parents love you.. thats something you might never know but deep down they do love u boy..

Time does heal.. Time heals everything.. give it a while you will feel fine. you are still way too young now.. told you this before too... by the time you grow a couple of years things will be better than ever..
and I told you before too stop bogging about that angel crap.. directly or indirectly..
It aint worth it.. you have may more important things to do in life.

Akshay said...

I know it is you Sandy :)

Akshay said...

Let me make it very very very clear, once and for all.

There was a girl. I started noticing her, observing her and analyzing her. From what I could understand, she was a true angel. And I fell in love with her. I loved her, I love her and I will always love her. My love for her will never change. And to make things cleared, I DID NOT fell in love with her body, I fell in love with her soul.

Somethings happened which made me realize that the person I regarded an angel wasn't my angel and that she was just an ordinary person and not too good a person at that. She wasn't what I thought her to be. So now what we basically have is a person who is superficially the same as my angel, has the same body, but isn't the same soul.

I loved that soul and I still love her and will always love her and so profoundly that you can't even imagine. But any other soul in that body is not who I crave for. I don't want sex. I want a good person.

If I still ever realize that there has been a misunderstanding and that I have wronged her, I would humbly apologize to her and accept resignation from my life if she calls for it. If I have made a mistake, I will have to pay the price for it and maybe I am doing it now. If ever I come to know that I have made a mistake she has every right in the world to punish me with a punishment as severe as she can think.

I am really sorry for insulting that person repeatedly but I only spoke the truth. I live in the hope that she would one day be converted to my angel by a miracle and that may happen.


Akshay said...

To be very honest with you, I know who you are. You can post anonymously if you wish.

My love hasn't changed. I still loved a soul I considered an angel. And I still love that soul. Maybe that girl will one day be that soul.

You are just viewing things in a wrong manner. You are viewing things at the materialistic level. I am not only after her pretty face, or beautiful body. To be honest, her inner purity made her external features beautiful for me.

Had there been anything wrong in her life, which made her change, then I promise to have set them right and support her all the way through. But if my very base is wrong and the person I love doesn't exist, then there is little I can do but hope that God gives birth to her.

To the angel who I love, dear I always loved you and only you and will never think about anybody the way I do for you. I want your happiness and I promise that I can bring that to you. If only you are there, just show me the path which I must walk.

And to my anonymous poster, I apologize for calling her a bitch, please forgive me. If only you could understand what I have been through. And I repeat, the soul I loved I still love, but that body alone is of no use to me. That was something she didn't understand, maybe.

And at my initial anonymous poster, Sandy, please use your id instead. :)

Akshay said...

Yaar uske aane ke pehle mein akela bhi thik hi rehta. But she changed everything. Now a moment without her is extremely painful. Kaise samjhayun...:(

Akshay said...

Aur mein selfish nahin hoon, I only want the best for her. I always want her to be happy. And I want to be able to give her every happiness I can to her.

Par woh exist karne ka naam to le...

Anonymous said...

u wr so awesome wen u had seen her... in 9th n 10th.. y dont u become tht again ? let the angel nt exist man.. wtf does it make a diff ?? even i hav no angel.. i hav met several bitches...nahi hai tu nahi reh yaar... akele aish karon... wid frnds and all...

Akshay said...

I can't live with this void.

Akshay said...

Yaar, kaise jiyun akela??? Can you live without people, without your family, your friends, without anybody? For me she is my family, my parent, my sister, my wife, my friend, my lover, my daughter, my everybody, my family. Kaise jiyun apni family ke bina?

I would rather live in an isolated and deserted island with just me and her, for the rest of our lives.

To tell another thing. If I have to choose between these two cases, I will choose the latter.

Megan Fox madly loves me, marries me and gives me whatever I want.

Castrated. Married but not sex ever, but loved by her and married to her.

Now the second situation is really good, at least better than my present life and better than case 1.

Anonymous said...

bro i m as good as living alone.... be strong.

Akshay said...

Had I never fallen in love, I would have been fine too. But no longer.

And had I been strong, I would have committed suicide by now.