Saturday, January 30, 2010

Wrong Place Wrong Time

Ended up at the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong person!!!

Can I be more unlucky than this?

Why did it have to happen?

What does it all mean?

Why to my only? :( This is not fair. :O

I will be adding today to my list of revenges and punishing my enemies appropriately for the same.

There is absolutely no hope left in this life of mine. But my today is going to be the future of the two of you, well, not as bad, but not too good either.

Friday, January 29, 2010

Dates dear to me

25 February 2007

1 March 2007

12 March 1990

19 April 2007

13 August 2007

10 September 2007

24 October 2007

25 October 2007

3 December 2007

5 December 2007

28 January 2008

27 December 2008

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

I wish...

That every lover finds his love.

Nobody is loved by more than one lover.

Everybody falls in love.

All this happens within the span of each and every lifespan and as soon as possible.

Just the right amount of wait is involved and the pain must be kept bearable with no sign of suffering even the slightest.


Sunega kaun??? :(

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Why do we need psychopaths?

For those who don't know, let me first introduce the term psychopath. A psychopath is a living being (usually in the form of a homo sapien) I guess who has absolutely no human like emotions, at least none other than those present due to selfish reasons.

To explain a little further, psychopaths are people who lack a conscience and have absolutely no regret or remorse for hurting, harming or even killing any human being and our only protection from them is through our law and their feeling of staying within the society. They are emotionless beings who have absolutely no concern for anybody except themselves and sometimes maybe for their obsessions or people who they think can come in handy.
In short, they lack what we call is our 'soul' which is the only thing which supposedly makes a living being a human being.

Often psychopaths turn out to be hardcore and cold blooded criminals and murderers. Not more than 1% of the population comes under this category of people. But if you really come to think of it, it is still quite a bit. It means that of all the people who we will interact with in our life or with who we have interacted, at least a few or maybe even several have such behavior patterns and in most of the cases it is very difficult to be able to decipher from from the rest of us. They live regular lives just like the rest of us and more often than not hide these tendencies from the rest of the world. Very often they are smart and attractive people, people who know what works in this world and thus they know how to get their way through situations.

I ASK why did God have to create psychopaths for this world in the first place? Why do we need to infuse so much hatred over here? Why do we need more pain that is already present? One person who I am not fully sure but who is possibly a psychopath is the girl I fell for. She has absolutely no sign of any emotions and I doubt whether it would be respectful to the human race to call her a human in the first place.

People like this don't deserve to stay in this world. And it is very difficult to keep them in prison because they may not have committed as major crimes or those punishable by law and after all being humans we need to fair, even if we have to be fair to devils. Psychopaths are demons, they are exactly opposite of angels and the sad news is that they do exist and that is a bad reality of life.

I hope that light shines and such people are converted to angels like in heaven. But alas, my life has to end in pain now. :(

Friday, January 22, 2010

I am scared of...

Not being with my angel

Not having my angel with me

Not being loved by my angel

Seeing my angel weep

Not being able to help my angel

Making my angel upset

Being scolded by my angel

Loosing my angel

Finding myself alone in heaven

Not having some things come true

I am scared of my angel's replica...

Thursday, January 21, 2010

So her wish came true!!


No idea as to what is my overall, but overall passed, horribly off course.

So our astrologer was right after all, and this is probably the second or third occasion where his words have come true.

I had to fail in my first year, maybe overall, maybe not, I do not know. But in my strongest subject, I did.

So do we need more proof that God hates the crap outta me?

But that person got her wish true after all...

Monday, January 18, 2010

What's On Stake?

For me its my business and my residential flat. What do you have on stake?

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Why is the world so unfair?

I ask, why is this world so unfair?

Why are the people so bad?

Why is the universe filled with hatred?

Why is there not a second of joy?

Why is there no peace to follow?

Will this ever change?

Will my life ever take a new turn?

Will tables turn?

Will the game live the way it should be?

Will there ever be happiness?

Or will I end up dying in Dignitas a few years down the line?

What is in store?

@ The Heartless...:(

Hey Heartless

Let me make something very clear. If you are indeed my angel and the rest that happened isn't your mistake, then it is cool. No need to even ask for forgiveness if you are willing to accept your mistake and change the game.

But, in case my assumption of your not being my angel is right. Then girl, you are going to experience the time of your life in the time to come. You may have felt that I did not truly love you and that it was all lust or that I was joking or that it would die out, but if you still feel the same then rest assured, there is something terribly wrong with you. And if there is something so wrong with you, the time will come when you will be forced to pay the price for it, a very heavy price indeed.

YOU WILL BE PUNISHED!!! I promise you that. No exceptions! None...
I will take care of that. Doesn't matter whether it happens in this life time or after death or in your next birth. The revenge shall be taken and the most serious measures will be taken against you. There will be absolutely no mercy. Sure, I may not do anything as bad as close to what you did to me. But unbearable physical and mental torture is on the cards and no matter who you prey to or call for help will be able to save you from me.

I don't believe in humanity any longer. You killed the human within me long back. I will be back, I promise and tables will turn. I will make sure of that. Whatever is the worst you can dream of will then seem like heaven to you.
And please don't make the mistake of considering this an empty threat. Enjoy all you can this life time, as I don't have enough time to teach you a lesson right now. But once I am back, it will be a lot different then. Nobody will be able to save you.

And the same goes for Guruji as well but punishing him is not quite as important as punishing you. Do what you can, I challenge you. Go hide wherever you can, looser.
Have the guts? Come infront of me once and see what I do to your face. You won't be able to recognize yourself in the mirror if I want it that way.

Ah, I repeat, if I am on the wrong track all this may never happen. And I will get to know the truth after I die. So rest assured, nothing unfair will happen to you. YOU WILL GET WHAT YOU DESERVE!!!


You have ensured a very tough life indeed for the rest of the lives which the three of us are left with. :(

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

What next???

Just postponed an order worth roughly INR 7 lacs from my favorite client. The ideal deadline is January 2010 end. What next??? :P

January has been the best so far. Already crossed a turnover of over a lac, previous payments due over a lac, in house works over 2 lacs and much more coming. New clients coming each day. Off course this is the turnover and not the profit. And off course everything will probably not happen. but even if I reach a profit of 1.5-2 lacs this month, although I may not, but still pretty good. Now, what else do we call successful? :D

Expecting at least four big orders, two from overseas and two from Cochin by the end of the month. :)

Just for your information, the overseas client Sean had thrown me out a while back and refused to send any more work my way. Today, I can proudly guess that I am his right hand and at the way things are going I might be able to pun (not exactly) that I become his only writer one day. :P
So you never know how things work out with time. :)

Now we have really got the ball rolling... :P :) :D

The only thing left is being able to use this money to serve my angel. :( So much I wish that she was a part of my success. Without her I feel so empty and void... I love her the same way as I did once. No, much more now. :)


Monday, January 11, 2010

To My 3 Enemies

Firstly, I would like to clarify. The people who I am referring to my 3 enemies may or may be my real enemies any longer, or ever for that matter. These are people who at one point of time I considered were my enemies, and they may or may not be enemies today. And these are probably the only people ever I considered my enemies.

One of my dearest friends who backstabbed me and ended his friendship, even though I still wanted to be his friend. I have hated him for quite a while, wanted terrible pain for him.

I don't know why but a voice within me speaks that it wants to forgive him and leave it there. I dreamed of him some time back and the innocence I could see on his face makes me think as if I would really feel guilty if I ended up doing something miserable to him. I am not saying that he is a good guy, off course he has done several very bad deeds. But he is a human after all and everybody does make mistakes. Although people may not have always forgiven me even for my smallest of mistakes, I believe that I would do something wrong if I get back to him. I don't know. That is probably the way I feel at this moment. May be I am a chutiya, that is why I feel like this. But I really feel like forgiving him. Many people in his shoes would probably have reacted the way he did.

Even he does deserve some consideration. I am not saying that I have a happy life ahead, but maybe his life is not going to be pleasant either. God is anyways unkind, why should I trouble the poor guy further. He is just a kid. I know dude that you are angry on reading the previous statement, but as far as your soul and philosophical level is concerned, you are still a kid for me and I don't say that out of arrogance but maybe out of warmth for you. I dunno. I am mad, perhaps. But I want to forgive him. He doesn't care, either ways. But I don't want God to make him suffer what he made me suffer. That would be being too harsh on him.

Good luck dude, I wish you success in life. Be happy and make others happy. That is good enough I guess, isn't it?

About the other two enemies however, I don't feel the same. What they did are unforgivable sins and crimes greater than what justifies the strictest punishment in hell. I feel no sympathy for them. Well almost. Although I may not want what happened to me to happen to either of the two, but apart from that the worst possible punishment would possibly less less for each of them. I can't can't can't forgive them for what they did and that has loooonnngg lasting effects on my life, longer than this life, longer than death and God knows how many lives to come.

I don't really know whether he is an enemy or not. I used to worship him as > God at one point of time and had full faith in him. Maybe he is not an enemy and maybe he never lied. But what he did was enough to disappoint me and make me consider him a dokhebaaz. Maybe, he did have my best interest in mind, as of now, I don't know. So I am not giving the verdict.

But if he did lie to me then I can never forgive him. I am alive today because of him and that is the very reason I suffer each moment. I would have probably been in heaven with my angel, otherwise. How can I ever forgive him? How can I not hate somebody for being so to me? I am sorry but this is something terribly wrong...

I don't know whether she is an enemy or not. If she is my angel, then she is not an enemy and can never be. Then she is already forgiven for all she did to me. She doesn't need to even mention a Sorry if she doesn't want to and I don't need to tell her than I have forgiven her. Being the great soul she is and the love of my life, she has every right on me and in love their is no place for a SORRY. Maybe, it is just my misunderstanding what I perceive today.

But from the likes of it, or from what it seems, she is not my angel and just the person who destroyed me. I see in her an extreemmeelly cruel and cold person who lacks even the slightest sign of innocence. I see no reason to forgive her for something she doesn't repent, something she doesn't even accept for that matter. What should I forgive her for? I know that she is not asking for forgiveness. But...

Let me be very clear. Although I may not be taking any action against the remainder of my enemies in this life. I promise them that if they are indeed proven as my enemies. They will not be spared. I will be back sooner than what they might think and they will regret what they did to me. I will make them regret. But that time it is not going to be a fair game and it will be me who is going to be a villain. No need to get scared now. But trust me, there is an after life and there are repeated births. I will be back in no time to teach them a lesson. And then loss of loved ones, blood, murder, rape and stuff will be something that will be too very light for me to embrace onto them. When I am serious, I play serious. Your everyday crimes don't come into my books as punishments for doing something as offensive as these people did. It is going to be very serious, and very unfair. Something I probably may end up regret doing myself.

But, I hope that it doesn't turn out this way. I hope that there have been no lies from that dear saint of mine and only some other problems from the other end. I dunno!

For the time being going to Switzerland is a backup plan and on the cards as a backup!!!

Friday, January 8, 2010

GameX : My Droolmal...:P

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Music the way its meant to be heard...

Hey guys

Just got my Audioengine A5Bs. They are entry level active (ie.self amplified) bookshelves and just 90W RMS and I am sure that they can pretty much blow away any home theater you have ever heard, even if you own a Bose or an Onkyo. :P

They sound great. Not perfect! But a near cinema experience minus the surround effects.

There are just two speakers and nothing else and even when I am lying on the bed I can feel the motions vibrate. :D Now that is without the subwoofer. Too powerful, ain't it?

Kuch is Tarah sounds awesome on it.

Although I could have done with a 100k setup, for the while this is all I could lay my hands on and they are good.

Anybody wanting a demo can come over to my home and have it. By the way, in terms of sound quality these are supposed to kick the ass of any sound setup in 30-40k including the likes of Bose, Jamo, Onkyo and Denon. :)

Saturday, January 2, 2010

So, miracles do happen :)

Let me tell you two of the very significant miracles that have happened to me.

1) When I went for the AIEEE counseling with papa, he told me to fill one college at the top which has impossible for me to get under any circumstance. He told me that I will get it, but will not be able to use it. Also, he said that after this my faith shouldn't wander. I knew that getting IIIT Allahabad was impossible, absolutely no chance. It was like saying that a 15k ranker can get through JEE and get a seat in one of the IITs. Till date IIIT A's cutoffs had been close to 5k. I knew I wouldn't get it. The day of the result came. I wasn't expecting anything and nor did I care a damn as for obvious reasons(my angel) I wasn't prepared to leave New Delhi under any circumstance.

Guess what! I got through IIIT Allahabad. That year the cutoffs went over 14k! I don't know what happened and how did it happen. Off course it must have had a reason but why did it happen to IIIT A of all colleges when neither me nor papa were aware of anything that was about to happen. I had chosen IIIT A as my first choice and got it bang on. But off course as promised, I wasn't meant to use that miracle so I was to stick with Jaypee Noida.

2) For years CBS's entrance examination has been known to have 60 GK questions, something I am pathetic at. Even according to this year's brochure, nothing had changed and the only chance of me not getting through was if the GK came unknown to me. Before the entrance examination, a devotee of Sai Baba told me that I should take up BBA over BTeech if I want success.

What a chance? This year the GK section comprised of only 30 questions and the rest were split into the other sections. The short GK section was pretty much the only miracle that could get me through. I wasn't expecting to pass, I was almost sure that I wouldn't. I hadn't even preyed for it.

But it happened!

As for the success part, There have been times, very bad times, very sad times when my business was all destroyed and I was pretty much making no money. The guy I met at the first day of my college told me the trick to which I can attribute 100% of my income today. The very reason I am doing so well, maybe the very reason that this business is still alive because I met that guy. Nothing better could have happened.

These are just two of the many miracles that have happened to me. Many more small miracles have happened, many because of meditation. Many because maybe I have been lucky.

Friday, January 1, 2010

When beautiful times come to an end...

Here comes to 2010. One of the most scary years of my life dawns in front of me and I stand to witness the fear and tackle it single handedly.

All I see in this year is pain, pain and more pain. But two goals I see myself set before my eyes:

1. To do my best and study really hard to work towards my mission in life. I plan to put in at least 3-4 hours of studying every day. Yes, every single day through out the semesters which are yet to come and I have already started that race.

2. To hope to take my business even further. In the year to come if I can double my monthly income and keep it consistent then I would be satisfied and one step further in my quest for independence and maybe closer to my dream.

Anyway, rest assured, none of my real dreams are about to be fulfilled in 2010 and the two points mentioned above are not my dreams but only a means to get to them. By the way, I am converting my company into a Private Limited and will myself become the MD besides remaining the CEO as well.

I had thought of a wonderful name for which I got a really nice scolding from papa. :( So plans for that name go out of the window and the name name will not dawn everybody with a surprise, but it will be a beautiful name as usual.

So 2010, here we go..