Monday, January 11, 2010

To My 3 Enemies

Firstly, I would like to clarify. The people who I am referring to my 3 enemies may or may be my real enemies any longer, or ever for that matter. These are people who at one point of time I considered were my enemies, and they may or may not be enemies today. And these are probably the only people ever I considered my enemies.

One of my dearest friends who backstabbed me and ended his friendship, even though I still wanted to be his friend. I have hated him for quite a while, wanted terrible pain for him.

I don't know why but a voice within me speaks that it wants to forgive him and leave it there. I dreamed of him some time back and the innocence I could see on his face makes me think as if I would really feel guilty if I ended up doing something miserable to him. I am not saying that he is a good guy, off course he has done several very bad deeds. But he is a human after all and everybody does make mistakes. Although people may not have always forgiven me even for my smallest of mistakes, I believe that I would do something wrong if I get back to him. I don't know. That is probably the way I feel at this moment. May be I am a chutiya, that is why I feel like this. But I really feel like forgiving him. Many people in his shoes would probably have reacted the way he did.

Even he does deserve some consideration. I am not saying that I have a happy life ahead, but maybe his life is not going to be pleasant either. God is anyways unkind, why should I trouble the poor guy further. He is just a kid. I know dude that you are angry on reading the previous statement, but as far as your soul and philosophical level is concerned, you are still a kid for me and I don't say that out of arrogance but maybe out of warmth for you. I dunno. I am mad, perhaps. But I want to forgive him. He doesn't care, either ways. But I don't want God to make him suffer what he made me suffer. That would be being too harsh on him.

Good luck dude, I wish you success in life. Be happy and make others happy. That is good enough I guess, isn't it?

About the other two enemies however, I don't feel the same. What they did are unforgivable sins and crimes greater than what justifies the strictest punishment in hell. I feel no sympathy for them. Well almost. Although I may not want what happened to me to happen to either of the two, but apart from that the worst possible punishment would possibly less less for each of them. I can't can't can't forgive them for what they did and that has loooonnngg lasting effects on my life, longer than this life, longer than death and God knows how many lives to come.

I don't really know whether he is an enemy or not. I used to worship him as > God at one point of time and had full faith in him. Maybe he is not an enemy and maybe he never lied. But what he did was enough to disappoint me and make me consider him a dokhebaaz. Maybe, he did have my best interest in mind, as of now, I don't know. So I am not giving the verdict.

But if he did lie to me then I can never forgive him. I am alive today because of him and that is the very reason I suffer each moment. I would have probably been in heaven with my angel, otherwise. How can I ever forgive him? How can I not hate somebody for being so to me? I am sorry but this is something terribly wrong...

I don't know whether she is an enemy or not. If she is my angel, then she is not an enemy and can never be. Then she is already forgiven for all she did to me. She doesn't need to even mention a Sorry if she doesn't want to and I don't need to tell her than I have forgiven her. Being the great soul she is and the love of my life, she has every right on me and in love their is no place for a SORRY. Maybe, it is just my misunderstanding what I perceive today.

But from the likes of it, or from what it seems, she is not my angel and just the person who destroyed me. I see in her an extreemmeelly cruel and cold person who lacks even the slightest sign of innocence. I see no reason to forgive her for something she doesn't repent, something she doesn't even accept for that matter. What should I forgive her for? I know that she is not asking for forgiveness. But...

Let me be very clear. Although I may not be taking any action against the remainder of my enemies in this life. I promise them that if they are indeed proven as my enemies. They will not be spared. I will be back sooner than what they might think and they will regret what they did to me. I will make them regret. But that time it is not going to be a fair game and it will be me who is going to be a villain. No need to get scared now. But trust me, there is an after life and there are repeated births. I will be back in no time to teach them a lesson. And then loss of loved ones, blood, murder, rape and stuff will be something that will be too very light for me to embrace onto them. When I am serious, I play serious. Your everyday crimes don't come into my books as punishments for doing something as offensive as these people did. It is going to be very serious, and very unfair. Something I probably may end up regret doing myself.

But, I hope that it doesn't turn out this way. I hope that there have been no lies from that dear saint of mine and only some other problems from the other end. I dunno!

For the time being going to Switzerland is a backup plan and on the cards as a backup!!!

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