Don't Take It!!!

Do I think ill for the person I once loved(now I only love my angel who is imaginary)?
Not really.

Would I be happy if is harmed and cries?
Of course, yes...But,

I don't want to harm her. I understand that being a sociopath God has indeed chosen a tough life for her where she will never have the chance of feeling any genuine love or deep happiness. I pity her and want to make her a human, and I surely will, in my next life.

However, being human, I can't get over the pain I am going through and her unhappiness genuinely will put a smile to my heart. I don't even want to loose this feeling because as it is I will never get even the slightest happiness or peace in this life. So, why should I loose something which at least gives me some happiness?

At least this much is my right, is it not? I am not harming her, not even thinking ill of her. But if something bad does happen to her, independent of me, then why can't I be happy? In my next life of course I will try my best to forget about this life and love her enough to convert that stone brick into a warm heart.

But as of now, what can I do? Ain't my fault, sorry!!

The Degrading Trail

This pain, that is confronting me is constantly washing me away. I don't think that I can ever be truly happy again. I don't think that anything is going to be worth it. In a dream situation, that I end up being loved by my angel...but...

But, after all this pain and hell that I am going through, I don't think that will be really able to give me that kind of happiness that I once could have got, that I really need to live a happy life. I don't think that anything is going to be worth it.

This journey is really killing me, every second, every part of my body and soul, everything is being drunk away by the likes of a void called hell. I doubt there will ever be genuine and extreme happiness for me. In a rare case of even being loved, I won't be able to feel the love and definitely not the happiness.

That is what I feel and I doubt if I can be wrong because I rarely am wrong without a purpose. I hate life so much, if anybody is dieing and needs an extra life, prey that you get mine. And that won't take you to hell because you have my permission and wishes alongside as well.

Life is hell, life is bad, life is sad, just cut the crap!!!

Lost Flavor

Over the last few years, I have lost a flavor called happiness. Being constantly in a state of pain and sorrow I don't even know how does it feel to be happy because over the recent few years I have seldom faced that emotion.

All I know is that life is bad and there is no joy anywhere, living is painful and a constant burden which I need to bear for another couple of years. I don't know if I will ever be happy again...:(

Test Of Love

One can say that a person is genuinely in true love if:

The NEED for the attainment and absolute well being and happiness of the other soul is greater than the summation of all desires and needs faced by him till that date, which include both active as well as passive needs/desires both at the conscious as well as sub conscious level.

A shorter but more unrealistic test would be that a person would still love her if he died and that there would be no change in the nature or intensity of that love caused by death.

A Changing Mind

A couple of days back, a thought approached me and got me surrounded by its overwhelming intensity. It made me ponder whether I could ever be happy as long as I had enemies, destroying whom was my sole objective. For once I felt, that maybe my approach had indeed been wrong.

I don't know whether I would still think the same for the remaining days of my life. But I don't think that I will harm any of my enemies. They are bad people, bad bad people, very cruel and insanely cold and heartless. But...

Can pain really change somebody? I don't really hate him, if you come to think of it. In fact, I just want justice and want them to learn from their mistakes and become noble souls. And for that there is more than one route that I can endure to follow. Can't I?

I think I would rather that they marry each other in their next life and I be born as their son to love them and distill them off all the pain that has still not mudded their souls. I would help them learn from their mistakes and start afresh and once that is done I would of course return home...